via whoanelly-knelson

This is the first time that I’ve wanted a one line post: YES. YES, A MILLION TIMES YES.

But I will elaborate. According to OnlineDatingInsider, the company Amivox wants to capitalize on the tech-age of break ups. About “Shout,” their break up app, they say,

We think that people who break up via SMS are coward and weak.

After a relationship, the least you can do is to communicate clearly and with a loud voice the reason why you are breaking up. Don’t hide behind a lame text message…

Now, with Amivox, you can break up many times a week with a loud and clear voice! All you need to do is to get our Android app, record your voice message and send it to your (former) partner as a Shout.

Right away, your partner will receive a call with your caller id, and your Break Up message will be played upon answer.

And what’s even better: after the message has been played, your partner can speak back a message that you will receive as a call. This way, it will be much easier for you to take your partner’s “go to hell” response.

First of all – a bit of research showed that yes- the company is based in the Scandinavian region, which explains why the grammar sounds a little off.

However, we don’t really understand how a shouted, uninterruptable message is any different than a text. Especially with how easy it would be to just delete or not answer “your partner’s ‘go to hell.’” We’re pretty sure that based on David Evans’ tone over at ODI that he shares our opinion on the matter, but that doesn’t stop us from being surprised that a legitimate company out of three countries overseas would come up with such an atrocious idea.

Looks like it’s true – the age of great ideas really is coming to an end. Yikes.

What do you think? Is there a difference between getting broken up with via text and getting dumped in a voicemail?

Be honest: the most exciting part of your Facebook news feed is the little broken heart followed by a “[friend's name here] is now single.” We get almost a sadistic pleasure out of wondering where and who and why and what went wrong.

Similarly, Facebook notifications often are the final nail in a break up coffin. Feuding couples on the verge of ending often hold out on making it public so as to not look wishy-washy, so when they finally decide to pull the plug on Facebook, you know there is something going down. This must have been the thought process the chart connoisseurs at Business Insider had when they decided to pull the valuable stats about break ups from Facebook to give us this great representation of breakups throughout the year.

The results are pretty compelling, right?!

As you can see, break ups peak during two times of year: spring break, and the weeks preceding Christmas. Many people have been making the joke that “no one wants to buy presents!” and as funny as that comment is, we think there is more behind the numbers… so how can we change this miserably depressing stat? Well, DatePro has a few ideas…

1) If you say “let’s not do presents,” mean it.

2) Spend time, not money

3) Be understanding, it’s a stressful time of year!

4) Don’t let your family drama spill into your relationship

There is no secret to a lasting relationship. People change and grow apart, they make mistakes and realize that maybe life isn’t as perfect as your honeymoon stage makes it seem. But follow your common sense and be compassionate, and your relationship can make the distance!

img @ ucsb.edu

There is a reason the majority of the best songs ever written are about breaking up. Ending a long term relationship can be one of the hardest things you ever go through, and we’re lucky to have musicians who manage to put our heartbreaking sorrow into words and set it to music.

In the midst of a break up, there are many stages one goes though not unlike those of grieving for a loved one. From anger, to bargaining, to depression, when you’re in the throes of a messy break up, it can actually be physically painful. However, through all the advice that people give, from “picking up a new hobby” to “spending time with friends and family,” we’ve found that the ultimate advice for how to deal with a break up is centered in the ancient practice of Buddhism, and the Four Noble Truths that it is based upon.

The Four Noble Truths are as follows:

1. Life as we know it ultimately is or leads to suffering/uneasiness (dukkha) in one way or another.
2. Suffering is caused by craving. This is often expressed as a deluded clinging to a certain sense of existence, to selfhood, or to the things or phenomena that we consider the cause of happiness or unhappiness. Craving also has its negative aspect, i.e. one craves that a certain state of affairs not exist.
3. Suffering ends when craving ends. This is achieved by eliminating delusion, thereby reaching a liberated state of Enlightenment (bodhi);
4. Reaching this liberated state is achieved by following the path laid out by the Buddha.

Okay, calm down. We know it looks like a lot of dreamy, mystical messiness. But stay with us here- what does this mean for the heartbroken? Whether or not you are a spiritual person, using these four tenants to release yourself from the pain of a break up is a surefire way to get back on your feet. In the context of break ups:

1) Life is a series of unpleasant break ups, plain and simple. These events, along with others, tip us into a lifelong cycle of suffering. Think about it. How many relationships have you had end where you thought it was the end of the world, were heart broken and miserable and thought the pain would never end. Looking back on those times and realizing how you grew from them will help you move on.

2) The reason that we suffer from these break ups is because we allow ourselves to become too attached to our relationships. Now, we all love the feeling of giving ourselves completely to another person who we love and care about. However, if you sink completely into a relationship, it’s often possible to actually lose your sense of self.

3) Only when we realize that pain and break ups are inevitable can we truly enjoy our relationships with people. Once you understand that it is possible to go on living after a break up, you’ll be able to take the end with grace, appreciating and enjoying the good while moving on and learning from the bad.

4) Okay, this is where the translation into a dating context can get a little more confusing. How can we separate ourselves from the cycle of self-doubt and become fully self-satisfied? I think this depends on the person, but finding an activity that brings you joy and removes you from the context of your relationship is a great start.  Since we’re talking in the context of the Noble Truths, of course yoga is a great activity to help you meditate and take full, unbiased account of your life. Any activity that you do alone, that helps you sink fully into yourself instead of someone else, is the route you should go. Surfing, hiking, biking, running, reading… all of these are great ways to pull you from the cycle of suffering and into a life where break ups aren’t the end of the world, but are in fact the beginning of a new one!

Glamour’s in-house male dating specialist, John Orvted, wrote a post today about the top rules for hanging out with your ex. We’ve got to agree with all of them, from not bringing up the past to limiting your alcohol intake. The only thing we think he’s missing? Sex… is it a yes or a no?

Read the full article by John at Glamour’s Single-ish blog.

img @baltimoresun

A couple days ago, reader Hailey read “Who gets to keep the friends?” and asked the question… what happens when one of your friends starts dating your ex? How do you handle it? And if you’re the friend in the situation, is it ever okay to date your friends’ ex?

Let’s start at the end and work our way up:

Is it okay to date a friend’s ex?

Answer: No answer.

As much as we’d like to say, no! Never! You may never date a friend’s ex! The honest truth is that (the old adage is true) the heart wants what the heart wants.Or should we say, the brain wants what the brain wants.

However, though the brain is an organ, when it comes to emotions, it is unlike the others, in that you do have some control over it. For the sake of your friendship, we’d say that there are 6 billion people on the planet, maybe you should avoid someone who’s seen your friend naked.

So, we’d say there are many factors determining whether or not it’s okay. How close are you with your friend? How long has it been since the break up? Was the break up amicable? All of these things should be taken into consideration before indulging in a fling (or relationship) with a friend’s ex.

How should you handle a friend starting to date your ex?

Answer: With grace.

While your initial reaction may be to fly off the handle and call your friend a string of expletives, take a step back, take a deep breath, and look at it from a less-biased point of view: we are living in a perpetual coincidence.

The fact that you two dated: coincidence.

The fact that you and your friend met? Coincidence.

Had one of those events never happened, your friend and your ex dating wouldn’t have been a drop in the bucket. Of course, if you see the two of them at a romantic dinner 2 days after the Big Event, you’ve got every right to be hurt, confused, and angry. However, if your friend and your ex happen to reunite and fall for each other, hey…. statute of limitations. There’s really nothing you can do, so you might as well move on and be happy for them. “Be the bigger man,” “don’t cry over spilt milk,” etc. etc. etc.

Hope this helps, Hailey, and good luck!

A friend of mine is going through a pretty tough break up that was, for the most part, one-sided.  One sided break ups and unrequited love are responsible for some of pretty heinous crimes, and while there has yet to be any murderous rampages or self-inflicted hate-wounds (that I know of) in this case, there has definitely been a handful of drama-filled moments and psuedo-psychotic behavior.

One question that I have found impossible to answer through this entire ordeal: When a long term relationship ends, who gets the friends? Does each friend have to pick only one to side with? If you hang out with couples, do they have to pick one friend or do they have to play the gender card?

It seems to me that as adults we should be able to share friends without it being a “taking sides” issue. If you were friends with each member of the couple, you shouldn’t have to choose one to side with, just because they broke up. The mentality that you have to choose derives from the idea that a relationship is a catalyst to a new moment in your life — that the before is before and the after is completely different. This doesn’t have to be the truth. A relationship is a moment, just like any other, and shouldn’t determine the rest of your life. Your friends before can still be your friends after, and the same with your ex.

What do you think? Do friends have to choose sides, or can you be one big unhappy, twice-removed family?

img @ tresugar

Man is one of the 3% of the animals on the Earth that for some reason believe in monogamy for life. Weird, right? And despite the alarmingly high divorce rates, people continue to expect that perhaps their relationships are supposed to last forever.

Even when we decide that we’re going to be single and flirt and have fun, many times we expect our flings to last, which is the opposite of the point of a fling, but like I said — humans aren’t the smartest things in the world.

If you’re involved in a fling that’s getting a little too far-flung, here are a few signs that it might be time to break it off.

1. You’ve forgotten what you liked about them

You used to overlook their weird habits because the sex was mind-blowing and you had fun, but now all you can see is their faults.

2. You (or they) keep blowing off plans

If you’d rather sit at home and watch TV then hang out with them, or if they seem to cancel plans frequently, the spark is probably gone.

3. You run into them … accidentally

They said they had “errands” to run, but when meeting a friend for coffee you see them at the restaurant next door, with a bunch of friends.

4. You have wandering eyes

The first weeks of a fling find you crushing hard, but recently you’ve been noticing other people on the street — and finding them more attractive, too.

5. Your friends say no

Your friends are usually a good indicator of how your relationship might be going. If they seem to be disapproving, saying you’ve changed or that they don’t think you guys are doing well anymore, there’s probably a reason.

If you notice these types of signs cropping up on a day to day basis, it most likely because what started as a fling is now fizzling, fast. So take a deep breath, assert yourself, and end it.

img @ echospot

Part of a great relationship is feeling young at heart when you’re together, laughing and goofing around and not caring if you look silly. However, there is a certain level of maturity you should be able to expect from your significant other if you two are in a long term committed relationship. If you notice that your partner is exhibiting some of the signs below, it might be time to have a talk, or unfortunately, end it all together.

1. They’re financially unstable

Having money isn’t the issue here. In a state whose unemployment rate has been hovering over 10% recently, being financially secure is not a guarantee. However, being financially unstable is a whole other matter. If your boyfriend or girlfriend earns money, but blows it on non-necessities, or prefers to spend it on themselves instead of you, it could mean they aren’t mature enough to handle money. This is a sign you may not want to make an emotional (or monetary) investment in them.

2. Not just messy; gross

Sure all dudes are preternaturally formed as disgusting creatures, but generally they are just more accepting of bodily functions. And some women are just less concerned with personal hygiene. But for most of us, taking care of our cleanliness and having a moderately neat home are important traits, and if you’re dating someone whose home you believe could make you sick, it’s probably time to get out of there.

3. They’re not progressing

We live in a world these days where the idea of “success” has changed dramatically. College and then a 9 to 5 job are not immediate indicators of success, and creative types do have a chance of making it. On the other hand, if your boyfriend thinks his band is still gonna make it even though they practice once a week, or your girlfriend has asserted she’d rather be a housewife than make an effort, you two are no longer on the same page. Constantly working to improve your life is the essence of success, and everyone should want that.

4. They aren’t sexually selfless

Although a vivacious sex life is generally a sign of youth, a sex life that is generally aimed at pleasing yourself is no sex life at all. If you’re dating someone who is generally unwilling to satisfy your needs and desires, it’s probably a sign that their selfishness expands into other areas.

5. They don’t take responsibility

Your significant other could actually having trouble with the following four problems, but the true test of their maturity is whether or not they take responsibility for those problems. Perhaps they’re in a rough patch, but if they say, “I know I haven’t acted very maturely recently but I’m working on it,” you’ll know they’re trying. But if they blame their problems on their job, their family, or just society in general, this is the number one sign that points to immaturity. It’s probably time to head to a site like Match or Chemistry to find someone more serious about growing up.

img @ telegraph.uk

There are certain problems in a relationship that can be healed with time, a fancy dinner, and lots of sex. On the other hand, there are problems in a relationship that mean certain death to a couple, and ignoring those could lead to a very disastrous break up. If you notice one or more of these occurring in your relationship, you should get out now and save yourself the hassle.

1. You think you’re smarter than them

If one of you is living day to day thinking the other is a cute little dummy, the relationship is not going to work. You both have to have respect for each others’ intellects, even if they are in different areas. Just because your SO is better at math but not so great at spelling doesn’t mean you think they’re an idiot. But if you think their only discernible skill is oral sex, that doesn’t count.

2. You don’t care about your appearance anymore

If you start noticing they’ve been picking their nose in front of you without any shame, or if you’ve neglected to wear anything other than the frumpiest outfits around them anymore, it might be a sign that you don’t really see them as a sexual entity anymore. Perhaps you are still “best friends” but the lack of sex negates the relationship.

3. TV in the bedroom

Similar to the previous problem, preferring to watch TV or read a book in bed instead of having sex is a good sign that perhaps you two have lost your spark. Now, doing this occasionally isn’t a bad thing, we all have our “blah” days, but rolling over to watch Seinfeld reruns instead of having a romp every night isn’t healthy.

4. Spending more time apart

If you start preferring to go on vacations with your friends or even just alone, it might be evidence that you are subconsciously (or consciously) trying to distance yourself. Usually, in sync couples like going on vacations together. Perhaps not always, but shouldn’t you want to experience new things with your other half?

5. Masturbation increases

We’re not opposed to a little… er… self-service every now and then, but if you would rather take care of yourself than be naked with your mate, you obviously aren’t into them anymore. And if you find yourself taking care of business even with a fair amount of sex, it means you’re not being satisfied.

It’s time to move on, or perhaps just take a jaunt over to AshleyMadison…

Read more at the Frisky

img @ smh.com.au

Breaking up is hard to do, and the feeling of worthlessness and discomfort can span days or even weeks. While there’s no sure-fire way to immediately get over a break up, we came up with a few interesting ones that should help next time you end a relationship.

1. Make a big change

Lots of time being in a relationship, as wonderful and great as you may think it is, holds you back from doing something exciting, like moving out of state or taking a trip. Although it is a life altering decision, pulling yourself out of a rut might be exactly what you need. And once you get to your new destination, sign onto a site like FriendFinder.com to discover singles in your new area!

2. Check in with the fam

NO matter how many friends you have surrounding you, there is nothing like a nice hug from mom or dad. The unconditional love you’ll get from a few hours wit your family will make your self-esteem at least creep up a little bit.

3. Eat, eat, and then eat some more

While we don’t encourage “eating your feelings,” there is something to be said for plopping on the couch and grubbing a McDonalds value meal.

4. Then get off the couch

Taking a challenging gym class or doing yoga can clear your mind and keep you from thinking about your ex. On a less mature note, getting in shape will totally drive them insane.

5. Clean house

Putting away the photos and letters that remind you of the ex is always a great idea, but just giving your pad a nice cleaning will improve your mood too!