A friend of mine is going through a pretty tough break up that was, for the most part, one-sided.  One sided break ups and unrequited love are responsible for some of pretty heinous crimes, and while there has yet to be any murderous rampages or self-inflicted hate-wounds (that I know of) in this case, there has definitely been a handful of drama-filled moments and psuedo-psychotic behavior.

One question that I have found impossible to answer through this entire ordeal: When a long term relationship ends, who gets the friends? Does each friend have to pick only one to side with? If you hang out with couples, do they have to pick one friend or do they have to play the gender card?

It seems to me that as adults we should be able to share friends without it being a “taking sides” issue. If you were friends with each member of the couple, you shouldn’t have to choose one to side with, just because they broke up. The mentality that you have to choose derives from the idea that a relationship is a catalyst to a new moment in your life — that the before is before and the after is completely different. This doesn’t have to be the truth. A relationship is a moment, just like any other, and shouldn’t determine the rest of your life. Your friends before can still be your friends after, and the same with your ex.

What do you think? Do friends have to choose sides, or can you be one big unhappy, twice-removed family?

img @ tresugar

Man is one of the 3% of the animals on the Earth that for some reason believe in monogamy for life. Weird, right? And despite the alarmingly high divorce rates, people continue to expect that perhaps their relationships are supposed to last forever.

Even when we decide that we’re going to be single and flirt and have fun, many times we expect our flings to last, which is the opposite of the point of a fling, but like I said — humans aren’t the smartest things in the world.

If you’re involved in a fling that’s getting a little too far-flung, here are a few signs that it might be time to break it off.

1. You’ve forgotten what you liked about them

You used to overlook their weird habits because the sex was mind-blowing and you had fun, but now all you can see is their faults.

2. You (or they) keep blowing off plans

If you’d rather sit at home and watch TV then hang out with them, or if they seem to cancel plans frequently, the spark is probably gone.

3. You run into them … accidentally

They said they had “errands” to run, but when meeting a friend for coffee you see them at the restaurant next door, with a bunch of friends.

4. You have wandering eyes

The first weeks of a fling find you crushing hard, but recently you’ve been noticing other people on the street — and finding them more attractive, too.

5. Your friends say no

Your friends are usually a good indicator of how your relationship might be going. If they seem to be disapproving, saying you’ve changed or that they don’t think you guys are doing well anymore, there’s probably a reason.

If you notice these types of signs cropping up on a day to day basis, it most likely because what started as a fling is now fizzling, fast. So take a deep breath, assert yourself, and end it.

img @ echospot

Part of a great relationship is feeling young at heart when you’re together, laughing and goofing around and not caring if you look silly. However, there is a certain level of maturity you should be able to expect from your significant other if you two are in a long term committed relationship. If you notice that your partner is exhibiting some of the signs below, it might be time to have a talk, or unfortunately, end it all together.

1. They’re financially unstable

Having money isn’t the issue here. In a state whose unemployment rate has been hovering over 10% recently, being financially secure is not a guarantee. However, being financially unstable is a whole other matter. If your boyfriend or girlfriend earns money, but blows it on non-necessities, or prefers to spend it on themselves instead of you, it could mean they aren’t mature enough to handle money. This is a sign you may not want to make an emotional (or monetary) investment in them.

2. Not just messy; gross

Sure all dudes are preternaturally formed as disgusting creatures, but generally they are just more accepting of bodily functions. And some women are just less concerned with personal hygiene. But for most of us, taking care of our cleanliness and having a moderately neat home are important traits, and if you’re dating someone whose home you believe could make you sick, it’s probably time to get out of there.

3. They’re not progressing

We live in a world these days where the idea of “success” has changed dramatically. College and then a 9 to 5 job are not immediate indicators of success, and creative types do have a chance of making it. On the other hand, if your boyfriend thinks his band is still gonna make it even though they practice once a week, or your girlfriend has asserted she’d rather be a housewife than make an effort, you two are no longer on the same page. Constantly working to improve your life is the essence of success, and everyone should want that.

4. They aren’t sexually selfless

Although a vivacious sex life is generally a sign of youth, a sex life that is generally aimed at pleasing yourself is no sex life at all. If you’re dating someone who is generally unwilling to satisfy your needs and desires, it’s probably a sign that their selfishness expands into other areas.

5. They don’t take responsibility

Your significant other could actually having trouble with the following four problems, but the true test of their maturity is whether or not they take responsibility for those problems. Perhaps they’re in a rough patch, but if they say, “I know I haven’t acted very maturely recently but I’m working on it,” you’ll know they’re trying. But if they blame their problems on their job, their family, or just society in general, this is the number one sign that points to immaturity. It’s probably time to head to a site like Match or Chemistry to find someone more serious about growing up.

img @ telegraph.uk

There are certain problems in a relationship that can be healed with time, a fancy dinner, and lots of sex. On the other hand, there are problems in a relationship that mean certain death to a couple, and ignoring those could lead to a very disastrous break up. If you notice one or more of these occurring in your relationship, you should get out now and save yourself the hassle.

1. You think you’re smarter than them

If one of you is living day to day thinking the other is a cute little dummy, the relationship is not going to work. You both have to have respect for each others’ intellects, even if they are in different areas. Just because your SO is better at math but not so great at spelling doesn’t mean you think they’re an idiot. But if you think their only discernible skill is oral sex, that doesn’t count.

2. You don’t care about your appearance anymore

If you start noticing they’ve been picking their nose in front of you without any shame, or if you’ve neglected to wear anything other than the frumpiest outfits around them anymore, it might be a sign that you don’t really see them as a sexual entity anymore. Perhaps you are still “best friends” but the lack of sex negates the relationship.

3. TV in the bedroom

Similar to the previous problem, preferring to watch TV or read a book in bed instead of having sex is a good sign that perhaps you two have lost your spark. Now, doing this occasionally isn’t a bad thing, we all have our “blah” days, but rolling over to watch Seinfeld reruns instead of having a romp every night isn’t healthy.

4. Spending more time apart

If you start preferring to go on vacations with your friends or even just alone, it might be evidence that you are subconsciously (or consciously) trying to distance yourself. Usually, in sync couples like going on vacations together. Perhaps not always, but shouldn’t you want to experience new things with your other half?

5. Masturbation increases

We’re not opposed to a little… er… self-service every now and then, but if you would rather take care of yourself than be naked with your mate, you obviously aren’t into them anymore. And if you find yourself taking care of business even with a fair amount of sex, it means you’re not being satisfied.

It’s time to move on, or perhaps just take a jaunt over to AshleyMadison…

Read more at the Frisky

img @ smh.com.au

Breaking up is hard to do, and the feeling of worthlessness and discomfort can span days or even weeks. While there’s no sure-fire way to immediately get over a break up, we came up with a few interesting ones that should help next time you end a relationship.

1. Make a big change

Lots of time being in a relationship, as wonderful and great as you may think it is, holds you back from doing something exciting, like moving out of state or taking a trip. Although it is a life altering decision, pulling yourself out of a rut might be exactly what you need. And once you get to your new destination, sign onto a site like FriendFinder.com to discover singles in your new area!

2. Check in with the fam

NO matter how many friends you have surrounding you, there is nothing like a nice hug from mom or dad. The unconditional love you’ll get from a few hours wit your family will make your self-esteem at least creep up a little bit.

3. Eat, eat, and then eat some more

While we don’t encourage “eating your feelings,” there is something to be said for plopping on the couch and grubbing a McDonalds value meal.

4. Then get off the couch

Taking a challenging gym class or doing yoga can clear your mind and keep you from thinking about your ex. On a less mature note, getting in shape will totally drive them insane.

5. Clean house

Putting away the photos and letters that remind you of the ex is always a great idea, but just giving your pad a nice cleaning will improve your mood too!

img @ glamour

By the time you get to your late twenties, unless you were monogamous since high school, of course, you will probably have gone through your fair share of break ups. They will probably be fairly 50/50, between being the dumper and the dumpee. However, if you find that you keep getting broken up with, there might be a problem with your dating style and etiquette. Here are a few reasons you might keep getting dumped.

1. You’re too clingy.

If you constantly hear the “we’re moving too fast line,” it’s probably because you’re a clinger. Perhaps your new gf/bf was just looking to casually date and have some fun, but your constant calling/texting/whining really took its toll. It’s good to be excited about a new relationship, but if you’re over-bearing and obnoxious about it, you’re going to get dumped. End of story.

2. You’re too jealous

Perhaps you’ve been cheated on before, or you’re just a little insecure. Feeling a twinge of jealousy when your mate gets a little too close to another person is normal, but picking fights anytime they talk to anyone is definitely not. Jealousy in small doses can be nice, but too much is definitely a turn off. Check your jealousy at the door or expect to get dumped.

3. You’re too nice

I know, this doesn’t sound like it makes much sense. But in a similar way to being too clingy, being too nice really takes the excitement out of a relationship. A little bit of mystery and aloofness is alright, because a challenge is what we look for in a relationship- someone who you want to impress and be impressed by. Unless you met on Chemistry.com, where you’re basically genetically matched to like each other, if every time you open your mouth you’re apologizing or saying “it’s okay,” your partner is gonna bet bored. Don’t be a jerk, but don’t let yourself be walked on, either.

Of course you should be yourself when you’re in a relationship, but if you push someone’s buttons too much- and being the above things will do that- you’re sure to sabotage any relationship you get into.

img @ klflegal.wordpress

Some people have a sixth sense about break-ups. They can just feel them coming, similar to how certain animals can sense earthquakes or tornadoes. For the rest of us painfully oblivious people in the world, here is DatePro’s list of signs your mate might show if the  relationship is about to end.
1. Being distant, uninterested

This trait, as with all the others on this list, isn’t always a sure sign you’re about to get dumped. This one, for example, could be tied to something stressful, maybe they’re worried about their job or just swamped with to much to do in general. However, often times before a break up you will notice that your partner seems to be staring off into space, not paying much attention to you, or looking like thy have something on their mind that they want to talk about but don’t. Ask what’s wrong, or it may come as a shock when they drop the bomb.

2. Lack of sex-drive

Once again, can always be stress related. Sometimes, though, when a person has asserted themselves to breaking up with their boy or girlfriend, they’ll begin to pull away sexually as well as emotionally. If you notice them being especially shy or uninterested in sex altogether, this may be a sign that in fact they’ve already broken up with you in their mind, and are just garnering the courage to do it in person. In fact, they might even have moved on sexually, perhaps to AshleyMadison, where people in committed relationships sign up to have flings.

3. Their friends won’t talk to you

On a normal night with you, your mate, and their friends, everyone is sociable and fun, but recently you’ve noticed they shrug off your conversation or ignore you completely. This is one of the key signs that they already know you’re about to get broken up with. Unfortunately you will not be getting any information out of them, because they’re on the “opposing team,” so to speak. You might want to confront your partner about this, noting their friends change in behavior.

4. They start bringing their stuff home from your place

Maybe it’s just a bout of spring cleaning, but if most of their clothing disappears and the little things, toothbrushes, hair ties, random socks or a pizza cutter, mysteriously end up back at their apartment, they maybe be clearing things out so they’ll have nothing to retrieve after they dump you.

5. You don’t fight anymore

It might seem like a good sign at first, your normally stubborn mate has finally started dropping the stupid arguments and petty fights. But in reality, this isn’t good: if they’ve started to care so little about the relationship that they won’t even bother to argue with you about something they’re normally passionate about, it means they don’t care to put any effort into your relationship, and thus, it may be over.

Don’t take each of these points to heart individually, as there are many outside reasons a person might start acting this way. However, a few of them coupled together and you have a reason to sit your partner down and really ask them: is this over?

img @ manolith

When the time comes, and it’s time to break up with someone, you must tread lightly. Choosing the appropriate time, place, and method is important, and is highly subjective, but there are certain situations that are, in any situation, wrong.

1.  Right After Sex

Maybe you realized right at climax that you weren’t in love anymore. That doesn’t constitute an excuse to get up, put on your clothes and say “thanks for the two years, but I need to move on.” By waiting until you’re both dressed and not panting heavily anymore, you’ll ensure that they will still have their dignity once you leave.

2. On a major holiday

This meaning their birthday, an anniversary, Valentine’s Day, etc. These holidays are “couple’s” holidays, and if you dump someone on these days, you’re basically scarring them for life. Women, especially, tend to remember breakups like a traumatic childhood memory if they occur on a special day. Be nice and wait a week.

3. In front of their friends or family

Even if you’re out at a bar with friends, and you get into a near-violent argument over your relationship, do not end it while their friends are staring right at you. Not only will you embarrass them, but you are immediately making enemies of 10 of their best friends, something that could end up putting quite a damper on your social life.

4. By ignoring them

The true sign of a coward, breaking up by just ignoring calls and e-mails is bound to backfire. While it might seem easier at first, what will you do when they show up at your house demanding an explanation? You will be forced into the exact confrontation you were trying to avoid, except multiplied by however many days you’ve ignoring them. Get some courage and you will feel better about yourself in the long run.

5. Via phone call, text message, or e-mail

Technology has made our lives easier in just about every aspect of our lives, including the initial asking out on a date. However, the process of breaking up should remain strictly in person. Not only because it would be impersonal and cold-hearted, but because giving your soon-to-be ex the chance to respond thoughtfully and without interruption could eventually reverse the breakup… we’ve all heard people sobbing on the phone, e-mailing suicide notes, and sending a  string of 37 text messages all begging to be taken back. By sitting down and having a legitimate conversation, you will ensure that the person knows you are serious. And in breakups, being firm and serious is of utmost importance.

Follow DatePro’s tips for break up success, and soon you will be free to move on… perhaps to find someone new at Date.com

img @ zazzle

Fact: if you’re breaking up with someone, they’re going to hate you. It’s just science, and when they say “thank you for being honest,” it should be translated into “you are the Devil.” However, there are certain lines that no one, I repeat, NO ONE wants to hear. Played out, cliche, and totally dishonest, your soon-to-be-ex will be furious if you drop these lines. Here are those cheesy lines with their translations.

1. “I love you, I’m just not in love with you.”
Translation: “I like hanging out with you but you sort of gross me out.”
The truth is, you might think your boy/girlfriend is the greatest person on the planet, but you’re just not attracted to them anymore. And although they don’t want to know that, they also don’t want you dropping this awful cop-out line.

2. “I just don’t want to be in a relationship right now.”
Translation: “I want to sleep with other people.”
Similar to the first line, this is a “read between the lines” break-up line. By saying that it’s the relationship that is the problem, you are free to go out and sleep with anyone you met on OnlineBootyCall without any consequences.

3. “It’s not you, it’s me.”
Translation: “Actually, it is you.”
The worst of the worst; “It’s not me it’s you” is the universal sign of selfishness, because instead of apologizing for ruining your partner’s day/week/year, you are instead turning the situation around to make it look like you’re the victim. Use this line only if you’re alright with never speaking to the person again.

Using the right words during a break-up might seem pointless, but using the wrong words can be disastrous. Keep your partner’s feelings in mind, and maybe someday you can actually be friends again.

Breaking up sucks. It sucks a lot. Even if you absolutely despise the person, the prospect of losing your companion is just grim, which is why many times we just try to “work it out,” because after a few years with a person it is difficult to imagine living without them.

Sometimes a couple can work it out. Time apart, talking things through, spending a vacation together… there are many steps a couple can take to try and salvage a relationship. But sometimes there are just signs that things are not going to work out, period. Here are three of them.

1. It’s getting abusive.
This does not necessarily mean physically, either. If you two are fighting to the point where you’re mentally exhausted, or have been so neglected that you’re looking for love elsewhere, it’s time to call it quits. Although any sort of physical abuse is an obvious ending point, sometimes a mentally or emotionally abusive relationship can take an even worse toll on one’s psyche.

2. Your sex life is minimal to non-existent.
Although everyone goes through “dry spells,” a couple’s sex life is key to a healthy relationship. Desire for one another keeps things exciting and sometimes helps you get through rough times (make up sex, anyone?). If you’ve come to the point where you don’t remember the last time you guys slept together, it’s time to seriously take a look at your relationship, because cheating is bound to happen.

3. You find yourself micro-managing your partner.
Remember how you used to think his laugh was funny, or that her snoring was cute? And now those tiny little habits drive you absolutely up a wall? That’s when you know it’s the beginning of the end. The truth is that those things always bothered you, but your love for him or her made you overlook them. Now that the love is gone, and all those flaws you used to ignore are back in full swing. It’s probably time to call it quits, and check out a site like Chemistry.com, where they match you based on your personalities.

Breaking up is hard to do, but the mental anguish you’ll experience if you stay in an unhealthy relationship is far worse. Get yourself a large pizza and some cheesy movies and prepare for a rough week or two. Then it’s back on the horse…  it’s time to Get Over It.