How to Lose a Girl in 5 Days

Posted in Advice, Players | 0 comments

Any female who is reading this would denounce me for writing this article, but a Date Pro’s gotta do what a Date Pro’s gotta do.

Have you ever met a girl who, despite your obvious non-connection, still swears you two are made to be? This girl often assumes you’ll be married by date three, even if you disagree on every aspect of everything in life ever. Unfortunately, these types of women usually are unfathomably good at clinging to a relationship and may even trick you into believing you two are made for each other. So, you must force her, by way of shock and awe, into dumping you. Here are our best, time-tested methods to get rid of a girl in 5 days. (Note: the editors of the Etiquette section would be ashamed of us for this)

1) Get (or pretend to get) belligerently intoxicated at dinner

By putting back a few too many drinks, you can become the exact opposite of the nice gentleman you were on date one. Cursing up a storm, dropping things, flirting with other women… she’s going to feel embarrassed and disgusted by you, and you’ll be able to “blame the liquor.”

2) Make up ridiculous standards

Now, we’re not saying to be mean here, but we are saying that dropping a few hints about how incompatible you are wouldn’t be a bad idea. Saying that you “prefer a girl be at least 230 pounds,” or that you “only date women of South Korean and Canadian descent” is a good way to ensure she can’t live up to your desires.

3) Get caught in a web of lies

Start your conversation with a story about your grandmother dying a couple weeks ago. Segue into a funny anecdote about your allergy to peanuts. Then, the second she starts talking about wanting to go back to your place, say that you’re really sorry, but have plans to go eat peanut brittle with your grandma. She will freak. Out.

4) Exposing some inner demons*

This can be paired with tip 1, as after a couple glasses of red wine you can tearily slur about your abusive babysitter or that you’ve never told anyone, but you accidentally ran over a puppy once. It might be the worst thing you’ve ever done, but looking like a head case will turn off most women (*- some women are really into damaged goods. It’s weird, and you definitely don’t want a part of that. Resort to step 3.).

5) Explain to her your sex-addiction

Pretend to be listening to her, and then put a hand up and interrupt saying, “I’m sorry, I can’t go on leading you on like this. I’m using you to appease my sex addiction.” Feel free to elaborate and say you’ve got three other dates lined up next that you met on AdultFriendFinder, and she should make a break for it before you seduce her. If anything, she might get really turned on and be down for a quick romp. Then if you never call her again, you’ll have a perfectly planned excuse.