via newhomesbolton.ca

I realized that the world was becoming more progressive when my mother, a devout Spanish Catholic, said that it was a “smart idea” for a boyfriend and I to move in together before we started talking about marriage. Of course I already knew that, and we had plans to move in together anyway, but it was a shock to hear it from my mother, who I assumed thought I was still a innocent virgin who had never even seen a boy’s bed.

So it was only a bit of a shock to me this morning when I read that 92% of British newlyweds already live together. This number is a stark contrast to 25 years ago, when only 10% of couples cohabited before getting married. This information was discovered from a poll by eHarmony.co.uk. Dr. Gian Gonzaga, Director of Research & Development at the company, said of the results:

“Whilst a lot has changed in the journey couples take to marriage, one thing remains true. It is important to take the time to understand if you and your partner will be compatible across the long haul.”

The survey compiled a few other stats that were fairly interesting, including that half of newlyweds had spent time “on a break” before getting married, and that more than a third were already raising a child together before marriage. This is far different than 25 years ago, when only 20% had ever broken up before getting married, and a minuscule 9% that had a child before getting married.

These numbers show many things, one being of course Gr. Gonzaga’s conclusion, that people are taking the time to prepare and ensure they are ready for marriage, but also that we as a whole might becoming more progressive about sex and relationships! Here’s to fingers being crossed that this trend can help us stem the flow of teen pregnancies, divorces, and child neglect.

What do you think? Would you prefer to live with a boyfriend or girlfriend before marriage, or would you rather wait until you are officially husband and wife?

Via Googlenews

AshleyMadison is one of the most highly controversial dating sites on the web today. With its motto “Life is short, have an affair,” it shocked and angered married men and women everywhere who couldn’t believe someone would make a living off selling adultery. Interestingly, though, no one ever took the time to see what the site was like before they made a judgment call. Luckily, a reporter at MSNBC decided she was going to get the real deal, by going undercover on AshleyMadison as a married woman looking for an affair. Her findings were very interesting.

The most important thing she learns is that although CEO Noel Biderman claims the site is a place for people lacking “intimacy” in their marriages (re: sex), many of the men on the site are actually looking to forge real bonds with the women they court. Men who write long drawn out paragraphs about themselves and “get excited” to see an e-mail from her.  On the other hand, of course, she meets a few guys who are definitely the exact stencil of what Biderman talked about: men who just aren’t getting laid the way they’d like to in their marriages. More depressingly, she meets men who aren’t bored from years and years of marriage – one guy is a newlywed, another not even married yet.

The common trait in all the men? Boredom. They are bored with their lives, their marriage, their children, their jobs… just bored. So it makes sense that they would stray. They enjoy sharing with her stories that would bore their wives and regale her with tales of their past that their wives have inevitably heard a million times. The most revealing quote from a man she meets sums the whole idea of infidelity up perfectly:

“I love to cook and go to restaurants, watch a bunch of movies, sporting events — you know, all the normal stuff that when done repeatedly would make someone sign up for a site like this.”

So, what does this mean for marriage? Could cheating happen to any of us? I’d say the answer is yes. And although I still cringe at the idea of Noel Biderman, swimming in his pool of money that he made by potentially ruining peoples’ lives, you’ve got to admit he found a niche in a market that hadn’t been conquered yet, and for that you’ve got to give him credit.

Read the incredibly interesting tale of a woman undercover on Ashley Madison at MSNBC.

We got to thinking about it, and it makes sense. There is a reason that so many dating profiles say they’re looking for someone with a great sense of humor. Or why guys who otherwise might not be given a second glance become sex symbols because they are just so funny you’re drawn to them.

But we got to thinking, once you’re in a relationship, why is laughter so important?

We thought of a couple reasons:

1) Gives you something in common

We’ve all been around the couple that constantly makes little inside jokes together. It’s almost irritating because you’re like, “why can’t I be involved?!” However, these kinds of small inside jokes can help to keep a couple bonded and close.

2) Gets you through tough times

Remember when SNL wasn’t sure if they were going to air the week after 9/11? And then they decided to? And it was great, because people were able to laugh despite a horrible tragedy having just happened? At an obviously much smaller scale, that’s what laughter can be to your relationship. The good times can be made better with a funny joke, but the bad times can be improved with a laugh as well.

3) Builds trust

Laughter releases endorphins and the hormone oxytocin, naturally occuring chemicals which relieve stress and give the laugher a feeling of well-being and belonging. A great relationship full of laughter will keep the couple happy and close for a lifetime.

Read more about the importance of laughter in a relationship at PicktheBrain.com.

A friend of mine and her boyfriend recently moved about 200 miles north of us to a town where they didn’t really know anyone. They both work for the same company and live in a one bedroom, somewhat out of the city with not much to do in the vicinity. They moved there 6 months ago. They have broken up twice.

Many of our other friends supposed the time together made them realize how incompatible they were for each other. I had a different opinion – I think it was the close proximity and the lack of outside friends or hobbies that took a perfectly great couple and drove them INSANE. There is a common term, “Cabin fever” which doesn’t always have to do with staying inside. Sometimes it has to do with being with one person, almost 24 hours a day, with no release in the form of other friends or even just ALONE time.

So how can we make this better? There are a couple ways that you can find time for yourself, even in a busy lifestyle:

1. The gym: not only will it better your health and physique, but it’s a great time to put on some headphones or read a book and just be inside your own head.

2. A class: local community colleges often offer very cheap or even free classes in art, photography, writing, and more. You might be hesitant to go back to school, but it’ll feel like a nice escape and you’ll learn something!

3. Get outside: as the seasons turn to warmer weather, take the opportunity to go for walks outside in the morning or afternoon to clear your head. You’ll be more stress-free without spending a dime!

4. Call someone: if you live far away from your friends and family, find sometime to give a parent or close friend a call and just GAB. Sometimes there is nothing more important than just getting some stuff off your chest. Surely someone you trust will spare a few minutes to let you vent.

5. Write in a journal: if your friends and family are busy or out of your time zone, try picking up a journal and WRITING your feelings out. In a journal there is no one judging you or how you feel, just pages and pages of space for you to talk about things that perhaps your significant other wouldn’t (or shouldn’t) want to hear. Combine this with the “get outside” part and you’ll have a nice relaxing alone time day!

Doesn’t that seem a little strange? I feel like in 90% of the breakups I encounter in day to day life, the couple despises one another, and usually, one person is utterly blindsided by the event. Even if they both mutually agree that a breakup needs to happen, it’s because they can not STAND each other anymore, and usually one person is a little less “mutual” about it than the other. Apparently in Hollywood everyone is very grown up and level-headed about things (ha, ha).

So comes the inevitable breakup of one of Hollywood’s most attractive couples, Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake. People magazine reported this morning that perhaps the rumors from the past few months are true, and the gorgeous superstars have parted ways. Reps made a statement following the reports:

“Addressing the media speculation regarding Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake’s relationship, we are confirming that they mutually have decided to part ways. The two remain friends and continue to hold the highest level of love and respect for each other.”

Once again, what looked picture perfect may not have been as flawless as it seemed. Each and every time one of these breakups happens, we wonder if perhaps all relationships aren’t meant to last forever. Maybe our antiquated belief that all relationships have to end in marriage isn’t the case!

What do you think. Did you expect Jessica and Justin to last? Is it time to finally get over the idea that all relationships are meant to last forever?

Downside of dating a beauty: If a woman’s more attractive than her man, the relationship may be doomed

Kevork Djansezian / Getty Images

I feel like it was just a couple days ago that I brought a copy of Women’s Health with Olivia Wilde on the cover and the inner part was just ranting and raving about what a great relationships she has with her Italian prince husband. She said watching her romantic scenes with other men “turns him on,” and that although she was only 18 years old when they eloped, they’ve made it work.

Until now, that is. According to Olivia’s rep, she and Tao Ruspoli have split after 8 years of marriage. According to sources, the two have lived separately for some time now, but finally decided to call it quits.

I am reminded of one quote from the stunning actress’ Women’s Health interview just a couple months ago:

“You’re not thinking, ‘We must be perfect!’” she professes. “It was, ‘Hey, isn’t this an optimistic thing to do? And if it lasts, we’re lucky.’”

We appreciate that she knows love, just like any endeavor, isn’t perfect. There are ups and downs, and sometimes it just doesn’t work. We wish her luck in her future, and hope this is somewhat of an alert to the youngins out there looking to get married in their teens: it RARELY works!

Financial infidelity… just another issue that makes marriage one of the most confusing institutions we humans experience. According to a report by Forbes, three in ten Americans commit “financial infidelity,” or lying to your spouse about money, which in some cases ends up causing a divorce.

The main points:

Sixteen percent of couples affected by financial infidelity said the deception led to a divorce and 11 percent said it caused a separation. Sixty-seven percent said it led to an argument and for 42 percent it lessened trust in the relationship.

The most common lie, at 58 percent, was hiding cash. Fifty-four percent of respondents admitted hiding a minor purchase, 30 percent hid a bill, 16 percent did not disclose a major purchase and 15 percent hid a bank account.

This was a big shock to me. I feel like as adults in consenting long term relationships, money would be at the top of the list of things you SHOULD be honest about. Secret bank accounts? Hidden major purchases? What is this, some sort of late 80s mafia movie?

If anything, we imagine that information like this helps the argument that marriage changes relationships, and sometimes for the worse. The legalities surrounding marriage often put your finances at risk, so it’s not all that surprising to imagine people getting a tad… secretive with the details of their money.

What do you think? Would you ever commit financial infidelity against your spouse if you felt it was for your well-being? Would you consider ending a marriage over lying about money?

In a recent New York Times piece, we get a glimpse into the life of a few long distance couples. In an increasingly digital world, the problems that plagued long distance couples in the past are not as prevalent. The article highlights applications like Skype and Facetime for iPhone as the tools that make the distance work.

Chantelle Welp and Colin Sorensen, who have been together since just out of high school, share the interesting quirks of a type of relationship that few people ever dare to try. While many would cite the distance as an issue that couple prompt one party to cheat, the couple here believe that in the end the distance makes them grow stronger.

Check out the article for the full story!

Lots of times, couples who have been together for a long time end up have many similar traits: saying, habits, tastes, and even looks can be affected by a long term relationship. Sometimes these things are positive, but other times, well, they’re not so positive. Such is the case in the ongoing story of Randy and Evi Quaid, Hollywood couple who’ve been popping up in the news several time for squatting illegally in a house, charges of felony vandalism, and well, just being somewhat nuts.They’ve recently relocated to Vancouver, Canada to avoid the charges, leaving us all down south wondering what the heck could be going through their brains at any given moment.

However, a couple of recent articles in Vanity Faire and Esquire are beginning to hint that Randy may not actually be as nuts as his wife. According to DListed, Randy often begins speaking like, well, a well-adjusted human being. He mentions that maybe he should go back to California so he can face up to the charges, but Evi pulls him back, talking about “Hollywood Whackers” who want to murder them, just as they did to “David Carradine, Heath Ledger, Michael Jackson, Robert Blake’s wife, [and] Phil Hartman.”

Suffice it to say I’m pretty sure Evi jumped off the deep end a long time ago, and poor Randy, star of such great hits as Christmas Vacation and Independence Day, has just been dragged down with her. It makes you wonder the kind of psychological impacts that long term relationships can have on a person, whether good or bad.

For now though, the only conclusion we can make is that Evi Quaid is a grade-A nutjob. Good luck with that one, Randy!